It Doesn't Get Easier. You Just Get Better.

Right now I should be studying for an accounting quiz. My face should be glued to my textbook and I should be furiously writing away ratios, definitions, and drawing up an overwhelming number of motherfucking t-accounts (I love accounting I swear). And yet, I am here. I wouldn't necessarily classify this as procrastinating. Maybe if I spin this and call it a much needed mental health break, I'll convince myself I am not wasting precious time. Ha!

But I felt the need to address this pressing issue. It's October and broke college students know what the means: FINANCIAL AID APPLICATION SEASON! You get a grant! You get a grant! Everybody gets a graaaaaaant...yeah, right. It's definitely more along the lines of "You get a loan! You get a loan! Everybody gets crippling debt!" And if you're thinking what I am thinking, you would be right in assuming that I am definitely not known for my optimism.

But I digress. I am writing right now because of my continued frustration with the socio-economic gap in higher education. I could go into detail and take a deep dive into how there is a hidden curriculum that many first-gen and community college students are unaware of, cultural differences that can occasionally be detrimental to student success, and the many disadvantages students from my particular background face, but that seems like a post for another day. I'll still touch upon those things in this post, but the pressing matter is the fact that just because one gets into the school of their dreams, doesn't mean one has everything figured out. And that one...is me.

But the underlying underlying issue in all of this is that I shouldn't be expected to know all this. I shouldn't be filling out FAFSA and CSS profiles on my own, especially considering the fact that I am the first in my family to do so. I think, and pardon me if I start sounding whiny, that wealthy educated students have an obvious advantage in this process not because they come from wealth but because they have a multitude of resources immediately available to them, specifically college-educated parents and relatives. What I would give to have a conversation with my mother regarding these financial aid applications and have her know exactly what to do. I shouldn't be steering this debt-ship alone. My mother needs to be my co-pilot but currently, she's asleep at the wheel (I have no idea where I'm going with this metaphor).

To be clear, this is a pattern. This has been going on for years and it is more frustrating each passing year. My mother expects me to complete these forms without her in a timely manner, ensuring I get maximum financial aid with minimum data check errors. Granted, it has been easier to navigate through these forms and their endless list of mundane questions but should any issue arise, it is my responsibility to address it even though the issue is derived from my mother's profile. At times like this, I wish I had someone to guide me through it, not just a chatbox with a guy named Ben as my designated agent. My mother can barely navigate these websites on her own. She calls me five seconds later to help locate a link that is easily visible in the top left corner of the screen.

Is it really this difficult to complete a financial aid application? Am I just being overdramatic about the situation? I don't know. The only thing I'm really sure of is my continuing frustration towards the fact that this will keep happening. My mother can't help it. And I want this direction for myself, so I have to keep up with the never-ending pile of financial aid applications. Is there a better way to do this?